Three Month Letter

Dear Nikos,

What a month this has been for our little family! It is so incredible to watch you change right before our eyes, and you've done quite a bit of that this month. In fact, I was just looking at pictures of you when you were first born. You are hardly the same baby now!

If Daddy and I were to pick a theme for this month, it would be "HANDS!" It's like one morning you just woke up and realized that you had them. And that you could make them DO things! Suddenly, you started grabbing for anything within your arms' reach, whether it be our faces, my hair, or the little animals hanging from your play gym (you especially love the parrot with the crackly wings). Before, you didn't even seem to notice the little animals, but now you focus on them and swing your little arms at them with all the effort you can muster. One thing we've noticed about you already is that you don't give up or get frustrated very easily. You'll swing at those little animals for over an hour, if we let you! You still aren't very precise with your grabbing, but you show improvement every day.

Perhaps the biggest change in our lives, though, has been my return to work. I didn't want to go back after being home with you for almost eleven weeks, but I wasn't left with much of a choice. Living where we live is very expensive, and we couldn't afford for me to stay home with you any longer. Luckily, our next-door neighbor runs a home day care center, and you are doing well there. You seem to like Miss Bonnie and her family, and you get a lot of attention from everyone (you're the littlest one there!). Your first day there, I spent a lot of time crying. I was so afraid that you wouldn't drink from a bottle, and that you'd starve. But Bonnie has been running her day care for over 20 years, and you had a great first day. And truthfully, I enjoyed being around other adults again for a few hours. You gave me something to look forward to when I returned home, and I discovered that I had more energy than ever to play and cuddle with you. (for the record, though, I think I'd still rather be home with you... I hate missing a single minute of your life!)

Health-wise, we had a bit of a scare this month: you were sick for the very first time! I call it a scare because it was, in fact, scary for us all. You had croup, which made it tough for you to breathe and caused you to make this horrible barking sound. After a long day spent in Urgent Care and the emergency room, though, you bounced right back. We were so relieved to have our happy little man back!

As for Daddy and myself, we seem to have hit a nice stride this month. We've got a nice routine going and you're becoming more and more predictable. You really only cry when you're tired or hungry, and the rest of the time you are calm or smiley. We feel like we know you so much better now, and we don't feel nearly as incompetent as we used to. As your big brown eyes take in information from the world around you, we watch you and learn how to be better parents. So far, you're an excellent teacher!

Just the other night, Daddy was snuggling with you for a few minutes before your bedtime. He looked over at me, and said "I love him more today than I did yesterday!" The truth is, we feel like that every day. Just when we think our hearts might explode with all the love we feel for you, we love you even more. You are an amazing, adorable, awesome little boy, and we can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! WE LOVE YOU!!

All Our Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Yup. Definitely Feeling Better!

Nikos went in his jumperoo for the first time today, after I assembled it yesterday afternoon. And he liked it!! His feet don't quite reach the ground, so I put a phone book underneath him so he could bounce. He mostly just sits there and stares at the toys for now, but he's enjoying his new vantage point! :)

Adios, Croup

So it looks like the nasty, barking cough is a thing of the past... Nikos slept like a baby last night (haha!), and when he woke up, the bark had transformed itself into a normal, wet-sounding cough. Hallelujah! Of course, he's still sick, but he seems SO MUCH BETTER than he was yesterday. He's pretty fussy, and he's still napping a lot, but he sounds good, he is showing interest in his little play gym, and his nose has started to run. You wouldn't think a runny nose would be a good thing, but it means he can actually breathe somewhat-- which means he can breastfeed without suffocating! Hooray! I think he realizes it, too, and has been eating like he might never see another meal. Fine by me! :)

Croup!

So it's official... Our little guy has the first of what will likely be many childhood illnesses to come. And did he pick a nice common cold to start out with? Of course not! He has croup, of all things!

He's actually had a mild stuffy nose off and on for almost two weeks now, so we thought he just had a minor cold. It didn't seem to affect him at all, so we were just letting it run its course. Then, yesterday morning, he was so stuffed up that he was having trouble eating (breastfeeding + plugged nose = recipe for disaster). He also seemed warm to me, so I took his temperature: 100.8. That's considered only a "low grade" fever, but Gus decided to keep him home (Gus was already staying home because we had a plumber coming to repair a leak in our main water line). He seemed to be okay for most of the day, but then everything started to fall apart at dinner time. He could barely eat because he was so stuffed up, but he was crying because he was hungry. We did everything we could think of to unstuff him: a warm bath, saline drops, suctioning out his nose, running the humidifier... He finally got enough to eat and went to sleep... only to wake up with the worst sounding cough that I have ever heard in my life!

That's when I knew it was croup. He was completely hoarse, and the cough sounded like a dog barking. He also had this high-pitched wheezing noise (called stridor) in between coughs. It was horrible! I had never been around someone with croup before, but I remembered reading about it in various baby books. It really was exactly as they described! The cough was definitely not normal. For the record, though, Gus thought that it WAS normal, and he thought I was overreacting when I said we should take him to Urgent Care (he now acknowledges that I was right... score one for Mom!).

So we got to Urgent Care at 10:30, and were finally seen by the doctor at around noon. Right away, he identified it as croup (the cough is a dead giveaway). He measured Nikos' oxygen saturation level, and it wasn't great. So he started him on a breathing treatment with a nebulizer, which meant that he had to wear a little oxygen mask. I almost started crying at that point, because he looked so helpless and miserable!! :( After the breathing treatment, they gave him some medicine (a form of steroids) to reduce the inflammation in his airway. And after THAT, they told us that we needed to take him to the emergency room at the Children's Hospital, just to be safe (the Urgent Care doctors weren't pediatricians, and I guess croup kind of freaks them out-- especially when the patient is so young). They called ahead and told them to expect us, so off we went!

After a quick side trip to Taco Bell (and a brief stop to breastfeed in the car), we arrived at the Children's Hospital by 1:30. We finally got out of there at 4:15. All they basically did was confirm the diagnosis, monitor his oxygen level (which was at 100% by the time we left- yay!), and suction him out completely (which was horrible!!! Gus held him. The doctor made me turn away!). They gave us some good advice on how to make him more comfortable over the next few days, but said there was no further treatment needed (the breathing treatment plus the steroids are usually all they do... and it's a one-time thing).

So now we just have to ride this thing out... Croup is what they call a "nighttime disease," meaning that it gets awful at night and sometimes disappears completely during the day. The doctor said that the cough usually hangs around for two or three nights, but then it should go away. In the meantime, our little guy has spent most of the day sleeping (in between all the poking and prodding). I even took this picture of him, asleep on Gus' shoulder when we were in the ER:

Poor little man! I hope he feels better soon!!

Got Milk?

Ah, milk... It seems like my entire life revolves around it these days, so why not dedicate an entire post to it? (Warning: If the thought of breast milk makes you squeamish, you might want to stop here!)

It's funny, in a way... We got off to such a rocky start with breastfeeding, and there were so many moments where I thought that I was a complete failure and would never be able to do it. But then we got over the initial hurdles, and breastfeeding was great! It's still so time consuming, but I really enjoy just having the time to snuggle with Nikos. Lately, though, I've been presented with a new hurdle: going back to work.

Going back to work has actually gone surprisingly smoothly, in most areas. The one area that I'm really concerned about right now is my milk supply. While I'm at work, Nikos has been drinking three 4-ounce bottles of my milk, which means that I need to pump 12 ounces a day in order to break even. I pump before work, after I get home, and during my lunch break. The problem is that I am hardly getting any milk out when I pump at lunch time! It's weird enough just sitting there with my breasts fully exposed and hooked up to a machine, but I am also constantly worried that someone will walk in on me. I have so much trouble relaxing, and I think it affects my production. Add to that the worry that I'm not producing enough, and I'm stuck in a vicious cycle! I am really hoping that this will get easier...

My other milk-related concern as of late has to do with another kind of milk: cow's milk. Those of you who know me well enough know that I am a milkaholic. I love to drink milk-- many glasses a day! However, after doing some research, it seems that little Nikos may not be a fan of the cow's milk protein that he is getting through my breast milk. It all started with some seriously green poop early in December. I did some searching on the internet and in all my baby care books, and thought (hoped!) that the green poop was caused by foremilk-hindmilk imbalance. I switched to block feeding (feeding him only on one side at a time, as opposed to switching halfway through a feeding), which would have solved that problem. And yet the green poops persisted! I did more research last night, and discovered that cow's milk is among the most allergenic foods for newborns. Many babies are very sensitive to the protein in cow's milk (not the lactose!), and this sensitivity can lead to green, foamy poops (all the time!), skin rashes (yup! minor one on his face!), diaper rash (check!), fussiness/gas (check!), spitting up a lot (check!), and disrupted nighttime sleep (check!). So I'm pretty sure this is the problem, and am giving up drinking milk for the week to see if anything changes. If that doesn't work, I'll give up ALL dairy and see what happens. Either way, I hope that one day Nikos realizes what a huge sacrifice his mommy made for him. I am already craving a nice, cold glass of milk!!!

Go Chargers!

Ok, so we're not huge football fans in the P. house... Still, what kind of San Diegans would we be if we didn't watch today's game? It was a good thing we did, too, or we might have been confused by all the screaming (and car-horn-honking) from our neighbors' houses after their big win. It was also an excellent opportunity for Nikos to model his Chargers bib. Check out that smile! Could we possibly have a little football fan in our family??

Now What?

This afternoon, Gus took Nikos over to our friend Tony's house so that I could get some work done... But now that the work is finished, I have no idea what to do with myself! I feel sort of helpless, and I am seriously missing my baby! I am having trouble remembering how I filled my pre-baby days. I can't wait for them to get home, and I especially can't wait to feed the little guy. It's strange... Breastfeeding was so hard at the beginning, and it's still inconvenient in a lot of ways, but I have to admit that I absolutely love it. Feeding him is like a mandated rest period for me. It's a time when I can just relax and snuggle with my baby, and he is so happy and content. Plus, it's something only I can do (no matter how hard Gus might try! haha!). I never realized I'd feel this strongly about it, but I do. And now that I'm missing him, my urge to nurse him is kicking into overdrive. I hope he gets home soon!

In the meantime, here is a picture I took this morning... He is such a strong (and wiry!) little man!

Smiley

He is just so darn cute! He is always especially smiley at bathtime. Love that baby!! (ignore my baby talk... I wish I could edit out the sound!)

Day Care, Day 2

We survived another day! And, to be totally honest, today was much easier than yesterday. I still felt sad dropping him off next door, but there weren't any tears this time. I feel so much better now that I know he'll eat! He had a better day over there, too, taking naps that were a little longer. He still fell asleep shortly after I got him home, but that's nice, too. It gives me time to clean up a little, wash and prepare bottles, make my lunch for tomorrow, etc. Then, when he wakes up, I can focus on nothing but baby! Hooray!! :)

Changing the subject (sort of)... I was so proud of myself this morning! Gus had jury duty, so he had to leave earlier than usual. On a typical morning, I will have Nikos fed by 6:30, and then Gus will take over so I can pump, eat breakfast, and get dressed before we leave. But today, I had to do it all by myself. And I did, with 15 minutes to spare! I got 15 extra minutes of baby snuggling in before work, which was fabulous. He was a happy little camper when I dropped him off at day care, so that made it easier for me, too (I would have a very tough time walking away from an upset Nikos!). All in all, we had a good day. And this comes on the heels of a night where he only woke up once to eat, at 2am. So we even feel moderately well-rested-- yay!

This just occurred to me-- I never thought I would say I felt well-rested after waking up at 2am. How times have changed!

Anyway, I'm feeling better. And truthfully, I have enjoyed seeing all my coworkers and getting to spend some time in the adult world. I'm still trying to find a balance between work and family (for example: how am I ever going to grade papers if I leave school ASAP after the bell rings and don't want to take anything home? haha!), but things will work out. I know it.

Back To Work :(

So this morning was probably one of the saddest mornings of my entire life (I actually got misty while typing that! sheesh!). I had to go back to work, and Nikos spent his first day in day care. I couldn't even drop him off-- I made Gus do it, because I was already falling to pieces. Then I cried all the way to school. I pulled it together before I got out of the car, but then lost it as soon as I walked into the office and got the "awwww..." response from everyone (I swear, sympathy can make things so much worse! I would have been better off if nobody even mentioned Nikos!). Luckily (?), my sadness was soon replaced by irritation. My students were so hyper and badly-behaved today! I'm sure part of it was due to excitement about me being back, but I think they also may have picked up some bad habits while I was gone. I never thought I'd be so happy to be annoyed, but it really did stop me from crying! I channeled my sadness into some serious disciplining!

The good news is that Nikos had a great first day at day care. HE DRANK FROM HIS BOTTLES!!! He polished off three bottles, with only a little fussiness. I called Bonnie (the day care lady-- who happens to be our next-door neighbor) at recess to see how he was doing, and he had finished the first bottle in about half an hour. The other two bottles took about 20 minutes each. Compare this to the hour a day Gus was spending all last week trying to get him to take a bottle, and that's a HUGE improvement! I was so happy-- the bottle issue was upsetting me more than anything else, but it seems to have resolved itself (*knock on wood!*). He didn't nap very well while he was over there, but I'm sure that will take some time. There were too many new things to look at!

As for me, I managed to pump enough milk at before work and at lunchtime for three bottles, which made me very happy (and I'm pretty sure I'll get enough for a fourth bottle this evening). I just want to be able to replace what he's drinking every day. I lost about half of my forty-minute lunch to pumping, but it was actually kind of nice. At least I felt like I was doing something for Nikos, even if it meant wolfing my lunch down afterward. I think I'll get more efficient, time wise, as I get into the routine. I think I need to shove my kids out the door a minute or two earlier. But practice makes perfect!

Anyhow... We survived. We can do this. It felt so good to snuggle with Nikos when I got home, even though he fell asleep shortly thereafter (and is still asleep right now). I missed him SO MUCH today, but I feel reassured knowing that he's going to be okay at day care. And honestly, our day care is right next door-- it doesn't get much better than that!

Growth Spurt? ugh...

Last night, Nikos decided that he didn't want to sleep. Instead, he wanted to eat every two hours! Even during the daytime, he normally goes three hours between feedings, and it's usually longer (four to six hours) at night. So we're all pretty tired this morning... As I write this, Gus is actually still in bed watching TV with Nikos asleep on his lap. I guess they were playing, and the little man just conked out!

Anyway... I'm hoping that this is a growth spurt, and that it's just temporary. In terms of growth spurts, most babies have one at around 3 months. He's only two-and-a-half months, but I'm guessing this could be it (he is outgrowing his clothing pretty quickly lately). Either that, or he's sick. It's so hard to tell with him! His little nose is almost always stuffy, and he always feels warm to me. So I'm going to take his temperature when he wakes up. I really hope he doesn't catch what I had!

So yeah, we're all running on empty right now. I really, really hope that we don't have a repeat performance tonight, since I have to go back to work tomorrow!

So That's What These Things Do!

It seems as if, in the past few days, Nikos has suddenly discovered his hands! If you hold something in front of him, he will attempt to swipe at it with one or both hands. If he happens to make contact, he'll hold on! He especially loves grabbing on to our faces (lips, chin, nose, cheeks-- whatever he can get a grip on). It's so cute! Anyway, it occurred to me that he might get a little more out of his play gym now, so I went and got it out of the closet. Lo and behold:

He likes it! Instead of just lying there and staring up at the toys, he actually swung at them and got a few good grabs! He actually kept himself entertained like this for a good 15 minutes, which is amazing. He seems particularly attracted to the parrot toy (note to self: don't let him grab Corky like that, or he will lose his hand!). haha! Anyway, it is just amazing to see how he changes from day to day-- it's like he wakes up to the world around him, one day at a time.

Our next objective: rolling over. He is SO CLOSE to rolling over from his back to his tummy, and he's making progress toward rolling from tummy-to-back. Exhibit A:
If he would just move his other arm, he'd go right over! *sigh* Soon enough, I'm sure!

Yet Another Video...

I'm sorry, I just can't help myself... We took this one during his bath last night. He likes it when Gus plays with his ears! :)

Misc. Thoughts and Updates...

• Sleep-O-Rama: The last two days and nights have been pure heaven, sleep-wise! The kiddo has been taking awesome naps (2+ hours at a time) and then only waking up once at night to eat. This comes after two weeks of waking up every three hours at night and taking short naps during the day. I wonder if it was because Gus was on vacation, and our own schedule was a little bit off?
  
  
• Music Theory:I have decided to modify my Radiohead theory... It has definitely been proven time and again that Nikos loves my Radiohead CD in the car-- Gus has even witnessed the phenomenon on numerous occasions! However, it turns out that he doesn't love Radiohead exclusively... I think he likes music with human voices (you know... people singing!). The classical music still calms him most of the time, but when that doesn't work, I just plug in my iPod and see what happens... We've been particularly enjoying the "Into the Wild" soundtrack (I ♥ Eddie Vedder!).
  
  
• Bottle Woes: The munchkin still hates drinking from a bottle, and it's really stressing me out! I did everything I was supposed to do, getting him used to the bottle as soon as breastfeeding was firmly established. Everything was going great, until recently! He has decided that he has a definite preference about where his food comes from. While I am flattered, and happy that he prefers me over some plastic bottle, I am also incredibly worried about what will happen when he starts day care on Monday!! It's only 3 days away!!! I am hoping that the new environment, new caregiver, and other kids around will distract him enough so that he eats. I know he will eventually have no problems with the bottle-- I just wish I could leave for work on Monday without worrying that my little one is going to starve himself until I come home! That said, I'm going to come home as soon as I can on Monday... The thought of being away from him is already making me cry!

Family Resemblance?

Ok, so I actually had a few minutes to spare, since Nikos has decided to be a cooperative little napper this morning (hooray!). I was looking at our old baby pictures (mine and Gus'), and comparing them to Nikos. Everyone always says that Nikos looks just like Gus, and nothing like me whatsoever. And maybe that's true now. But I am kinda thinking that he looks like me when I was a baby... What do you think? (I'm on the left, Gus is on the right... in case you couldn't tell by my pink shirt!)
At the very least, I'd say he's a pretty good mix of the two of us... But he changes every day, so who knows what he'll end up looking like? I still can't believe that a little human came out of my belly... that's crazy!

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

Sorry it's so dark, but even so... he is the cutest baby in the UNIVERSE! I can't stop taking pictures of his adorable smile. Yay for Nikos! :)

The Best Medicine

Forget about laughter being the best medicine-- a good dose of cute baby is all I need! I've been in bed almost all day fighting a cold, and Gus brought the little guy for some Mommy time. He's the bestest!!

Happy New Year!

Captain Drool says "Happy New Year!"
So we all stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, got rip-roaring drunk, and danced on the tables to celebrate the new year. Ok, maybe not... But we did go to dinner at our friend Bryce's house, where he and his fiancee, Aditi, cooked up an Indian feast for a small group of friends. It was very nice! Plus, Bryce's mom went into grandma mode and held Nikos practically all evening. He was particularly captivated by their fireplace, which was something new (our house doesn't have one). He was so sweet and well-behaved, which was a big improvement over the first time Bryce and Aditi met him, when he wouldn't stop crying!

Anyway... We got home at around 10pm, collapsed into bed, and didn't wake up again until the munchkin got hungry at 2am. It was the first time in I-don't-know-how-many years that we haven't celebrated New Year's Eve at my uncle's house in Orange County, and the first time in many more years that we slept through the event entirely. And you know what? It was quite alright! I remember back to last year, when the clock struck midnight and everyone started setting off their party poppers and singing "Auld Lang Syne"... I always make a wish at midnight, and my wish then was to become pregnant (we'd been trying for 6 months at that point, and I was starting to think something was wrong with me). And wouldn't you know it-- I got pregnant in January. And here we are, a year later, with a nine-week-old son! I'd much rather be home with my little family than out partying somewhere. So I'd have to say that this was one of the best New Year's Eves I've ever spent!

We did celebrate this morning, though, by cutting the traditional Greek vasilopita ("King Cake") that Gus' mom dropped off yesterday. It's an orange-flavored cake covered in powdered sugar, and you have to cut it in a very specific way: first, you use the knife to gently mark the sign on the cross on top, then you mark where the different slices will be. The first slice is for God, the second is for the Virgin Mary, then the rest are for the people in the household and any other things you want to have good luck in the new year (so in our case, it went Gus-Briar-Nikos-Corky-Charlie-our house). Then you eat your designated slice and, if you're lucky, you find a gold coin hidden inside that means you will have good luck all year. The past few years, I've been the one to find the coin. :) This year, though, it looks like the lucky one is going to be Charlie (the cat). haha!! I think he deserves it, though... It's been a rough couple of months since the baby entered our house and his position in our family shifted (which he was not happy about). Poor little kitty!

Anyhow... that was our New Year's celebration. I promptly got back in bed after eating my piece of cake, because I feel like garbage. I'm sick for the first time in at least a year, which is NOT FUN! So Gus said he'd take care of Nikos all day, and he just brings him in to me when it's eating time. I'm hoping that I can get enough rest and fight off this bug really quickly... I have to go back to work next week!! :( :(

P.S. I nearly forgot-- Nikos met some more family members on Friday! He met his Great Aunt Stacy (my dad's sister) and his second cousin, Nathaniel, who is only about 4 years old (Nathaniel is my dad's other sister's son). Nathaniel really didn't know what to make of him, which was so cute. A good time was had by all!