Weird!

I was clicking on all the old ultrasound photos (over there in the right-hand column --->), and it occurred to me that I should post these two pictures together. He really does look like his ultrasound picture, huh??? I don't know why this weirds me out, but it totally does!

One Month Letter

Dear Nikos,

I can hardly believe that it's already been over a month since you entered the world! It hasn't exactly been easy, but we're gradually getting to know and understand each other better. And that has made things much easier on us all!

To say that your birth was an exciting time for us all is an understatement—just a few days before you were born, around half a million San Diegans had to evacuate their homes due to a number of wildfires that ravaged the area. Your daddy and I evacuated, too, once we could see actual flames from our back yard. Luckily, our house was safe and sound when we returned the next day. The day after that, we went to the hospital. And the day after that, you were here!

So many people were eagerly awaiting your arrival, and you had quite a few visitors in your first few days of life! The first person who greeted you was Daddy, of course, quickly followed by me. As I rested in the recovery room, you met your Grandma Kristen, Yia-Yia Fofo, Pappou Nick, Grandpa Jeff, and Aunt Maria. Everybody commented on how handsome you were (I completely agree, of course)! In the days that followed, you met Uncle Grant and Aunt Melissa, Nouna Maria and Nouno Manolis (your godparents), and a bunch of our friends and coworkers. Despite all the excitement, you spent most of your days sleeping. Your Daddy and I couldn’t stop staring at you—it was hard to believe you were finally here!

Leaving the hospital and being on our own as first-time parents was tough, and I started to think I might never see the outside world again! Luckily, things are improving in this area on a daily basis. Your first week home, the three of us went for a successful walk around the lake. Your second week home, when Grandma and Grandpa were here, we started taking walks around the neighborhood. You also had a few trips to the doctor’s office for check-ups. As I grew more confident, I began taking you out more during your third week. We made quick trips to Target and the supermarket, and you only cried when it was time for me to check out! Since then, you’ve been to Babies R Us, the County Office of Education, my school district office, both grandparents’ houses, and the school I teach at. You usually like being out and about, and you LOVE listening to the Baby Bach CD in the car. Sometimes it even puts you to sleep, and you are completely conked out by the time we get home from our adventures!

Day by day, you continue to amaze us with your development. At first, you didn’t really seem to look at anyone or interact much with the world around you. But now you stare at our faces, and your eyes follow us as we move. Even though all the baby books say that you can’t see much of anything unless it is a foot from your face, I catch you looking at me from across the room. You make the cutest little noises, and are starting to smile at us when you’re awake and happy. Your smiles are the most adorable things in the entire world! You like your evening bath, and are perfectly content to sit in the tub and stare at us while we get you cleaned up. You’re a champion eater. You tend to cry and fuss a lot in the afternoon/early evening and are what I like to call “nap resistant,” but you sleep well at night and are generally a happy camper in the mornings.

In short: You are an awesome baby. You turned our world upside down and you keep us on our toes every day, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. We can’t wait to see what life holds for us in the months ahead. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

Love,
Mom

Mama Said Knock You Out!

I took this one after his bath last night, and it cracked me up! He was just resting there, perfectly calm, and then his little arms went flailing in the air right as I took the picture. It reminds me of the old L.L. Cool J. video. haha!!

P.S. I weighed the little guy yesterday at the hospital's breastfeeding boutique (they have a baby scale that anyone can use). 11 pounds, 4 ounces! Hooray!

Reflections

It's so hard to believe that our little man was already one month old on Sunday! As challenging and stressful as the past month was, it still managed to fly by. If I get the chance, I am going to steal an idea from Alayna and Sacha and attempt to write Nikos a monthly letter. But not right now. Right now, I feel like reflecting on this whole parenthood thing.

Living with a newborn is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done. Whoever says that having a newborn is pure bliss is a) smoking crack, b) has a most unusual child, or c) is lying through their teeth because they think it's what they're "supposed" to say. Pretty much all Nikos does is eat, sleep, and poop 24/7 with occasional (albeit completely adorable) periods of alertness. It's our duty as parents to facilitate all this eating, sleeping, and pooping, which means that our own eating, sleeping, and pooping get moved to the back burner. After meeting everyone's basic needs, there is barely time left over to do other important things, such as go grocery shopping , do the ever-increasing piles of laundry, or clean up around the house. Which means that there is virtually NO time left for things like Christmas shopping, decorating the tree, etc. As a matter of fact, I am quite possibly typing this blog entry at the expense of eating my dinner (I'm hoping Gus gets home before the baby wakes up-- then he's on duty!).

Anyway, to say it bluntly: it sucks. It is a grueling, thankless, and never-ending job to take care of a newborn. Any person who thinks that having a baby will bring them closer to their partner is pretty much delusional. While Gus and I definitely are closer in some ways, the stress of being first-time, sleep-deprived parents is definitely rough. After all, it's hard for us to hug each other when one of us always seems to be holding Nikos (even if he does smell quite babylicious).

Despite the constant challenges and the emotional highs and lows, we'd still do it all over again, if given the chance. I guess that's a testament to how much we love the little guy-- why else would we sacrifice so much of ourselves? I YEARN for a morning spent sleeping in past 6am, but my need for sleep comes after my son's need to eat, and that's about all there is to it.

What am I trying to say here? I guess I am saying that no matter how prepared you think you are, a baby will still manage to turn your entire world upside down. Your life changes drastically, and usually not for the better (at first). I know that there are good things coming down the line, as Nikos continue to develop and becomes more interactive (smiling, laughing, reaching for things, etc.), but the newborn phase is HARD.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Thanksgiving Miracle!

Well, we drove up to my parents' house yesterday at around lunchtime, and we had a ROUGH afternoon... The little guy kept crying and crying, but wouldn't let himself go to sleep! We'd had a rough night before that, so we were all exhausted and, well, miserable. It was a long afternoon/evening spent handing Nikos from one tired person to the next, all attempting to calm him down and lull him to sleep. Finally, we fed him and gave him his bath, and he eventually drifted off. But that's not the miracle! The miracle was that he then slept for five hours solid, woke up and ate efficiently, and then slept for another four hours! We had a night of almost-uninterrupted sleep!!! But wait, it gets better... We had an awesome day, too, with our little guy being happy and alert a lot of the time, then taking nice naps when he was tired. And he went down for his BEST nap right as Thanksgiving dinner was about to be served... So Gus and I had two whole hours where we were able to eat dinner and hang out with the adults. It was truly amazing! Our guy even fell asleep in his car seat on the ride home, which made things very pleasant. I doubt that tomorrow will be as great as today was, but boy did it make for a nice Thanksgiving! :)

Heaven, Thy Name is Pacifier!

Oh. My. Goodness. In a split second this afternoon, it was like the clouds parted and sunlight finally broke through-- Nikos took his pacifier!!! I should preface this by saying we had a pretty good early afternoon. I managed to feed him and get him in his swing long enough so that I could pump (I'm starting to save milk for when I go back to work), eat my own lunch, AND go to the bathroom. That was a miracle in and of itself! He was doing so well that I decided to press my luck and take him out for a stroll around the neighborhood. When that was successful, I had a sudden surge of confidence and decided to go to the supermarket to pick up a few things. He was a little fussy in the car, but calmed down as soon as I put his car seat into the shopping cart and pushed him across the parking lot (it was a bumpy ride- and I think he liked that!). He was a little angel as I rushed around and got the things I needed, but started fussing when we had to wait in line to check out (luckily, everyone was understanding... I still hate being "that person" with the crying baby-- it makes me want to cry!!). I tried putting the pacifier in his mouth, but he made a horrible face and started crying louder. He calmed down again during the bumpy ride through the lot, but the crying came back as soon as the car engine started. Frustrated, I decided to try the pacifier one more time. I held it firmly in his mouth, and voila! Suddenly, he was sucking on it! I let go, and he was STILL sucking on it! And he was quiet! By the time we got home, he was completely asleep in his seat with the pacifier still in his mouth:

He woke up for a little bit right after I took this picture, but I gave him the pacifier again and he conked out completely in under two minutes! Normally, when it's time for his nap, I spend anywhere from ten to twenty minutes holding him and patting his back until he finally gives in and falls asleep. Meanwhile, he WAILS the entire time, and I just want to cry along with him. But this was absolutely amazing. He even woke up as I moved him to his bed, but he sucked a few times on the pacifier and was off to dreamland again. Amazing. He is actually taking another nap as I type this, and the pacifier is once again working its magic. It didn't happen as quickly this time (he was really tired earlier), but it still worked-- and without listening to twenty minutes of crying, which has got to be the ultimate form of torture! Hallelujah!!

Getting Better All the Time

Ok, now I have the Beatles song stuck in my head!! But the truth is that things ARE getting better all the time (better, better, behh-tter!), and that's a great thing! We've had two pretty good days in a row, and I think I'm starting to "read" Nikos a little better and get a handle on what he's asking me for. So far today, he's taken two really great naps (40 minutes and 90 minutes), and is currently 20 minutes into another one. He's actually been eating at the "right" intervals (2-3 hours), which has ME feeling a LOT better! Before, I think I was confusing his "I'm hungry" cry with his "I'm tired" cry, so I was constantly feeding him (and watching him fall asleep on me partway through... only to wake up hungry later). As cheesy as it sounds, the secret has been this book: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg (and Melinda Blau). Of all the baby books I own and have read, this one is the least "scientific" but the most realistic (in my opinion, obviously). I have been attempting to follow the "E.A.S.Y." routine she describes (Eat, Awake time, Sleep, YOU time), and it's already made a huge difference!! I've been able to feed him, play with him for a bit until he seems drowsy (= starts yawning), then swaddle him and pat him on the back until he falls asleep. Then I put him in the pack-n-play until he wakes up (this goes against the book, which says I need to put him down "drowsy but awake." I tried that. All he did was scream!). And while he sleeps, I can get things done!!!!! It's a miracle!

I also took a bit of advice from my friend Kori, and was successful with it! I think that Nikos has a strong need to suck, even when he's not hungry. Refer to Exhibit A: The hickey he gave himself on his arm last week and Exhibit B: The hickey he gave my friend Bryce this afternoon as he held him. :P I wanted to introduce a pacifier, but he makes a horrible face and spits it out right away. I've even tried a couple of different varieties, but no luck! Kori suggested that I put it in his mouth while he's in the Baby Bjorn, because he's so snug in there that the pacifier can't really fall out of his mouth. And it kind-of-sort-of worked! He calmed down and was actually sucking on it! He still won't touch it outside of the Baby Bjorn, but it's a start... We'll try again another time.

Anyhow... Following the Baby Whisperer guidelines, we also had our most pleasant bath experience to date last night! The little guy was calm and actually seemed to enjoy it, for once. So I am pretty much sold on this book, at least for now. I know that what works today may not work tomorrow, but I am going to enjoy this moment!!!

And finally... a picture of our little guy almost-smiling. I can't wait until he starts to really smile at us (right now it feels like we just give-give-give and get no real feedback from him... what I'd give for a smile!!!):

Ups and Downs

Well, the rollercoaster continues... This morning, we took a HUGE step forward and made a mostly-successful trip to Target to pick up a few things! I very nearly turned the car around and drove home, since Nikos was crying, but he calmed down as soon as I got him into his stroller. Then he was very quiet and alert as we walked through the store-- it was so cute! That lasted for about ten minutes, and then he started to fall apart. First quietly, then loudly. As I headed toward the checkout lanes, I (of course) ran into the parents of one of my current students who (of course) wanted to see the baby. I managed to make small talk for a minute or two, but really I just wanted to burst into tears and run for the exit. I really, REALLY get upset when he cries. But we made it. I checked out, and he calmed down once we got going in the car. So, all in all, it was a successful expedition. But not an easy one by any stretch of the imagination.

Anyway... I was feeling somewhat more confident/competent after our morning Target trip, but I think I jinxed myself. This afternoon sucked, and we both spent a lot of time crying. Why was I crying? I don't really know... Sometimes I cry because I worry that I'm not doing things right, or that he's not eating enough, or that he's somehow in pain. Other times I cry because I just wish my life would go back to normal, and THEN I cry because I feel guilty for wishing that, because I do love this baby more than I ever thought I could love someone. Ugh. It just sucks. Everything I've read says these feelings are normal, and due to the sudden drop in hormone levels after having a baby, but I'm just super emotional right now. Some days (like today) are definitely worse than others. I really, REALLY hope this all passes soon...

Bath Time

This picture makes me laugh hysterically... Does that make me a bad mom??? I don't even know why he decided to scream his head off. This was his third bath, and he enjoyed the first two! Hopefully it was just an "off" day...

Faces

I can't get enough of his little facial expressions!!!

Update

9 pounds, 6 ounces!!! I can't tell you how happy I was to hear the nurse say those words at our appointment today! When he was born, Nikos weighed 9 pounds 4 ounces, but he had lost quite a bit of weight by the time we were discharged from the hospital (his last hospital weight was 8 pounds, 12 ounces... it's normal for newborns to lose weight like this). And then, at his 1 week appointment, he STILL weighed 8 pounds, 12 ounces. I was freaking out, thinking I wasn't feeding my child enough and what a horrible mom I was. But he's gained weight! The doctor said she was very happy with his gain over the past week. HOORAY!! HAPPY DANCE!

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back...

Well, the little pumpkin will be exactly two weeks old tomorrow, and things are going well! We continue to make progress, though it's not always consistent. Case in point (warning: TMI!): over the weekend, I was finally able to get him to latch on to me without using a nipple shield (that's the thing they were having me use at the hospital to get him on there-- I guess it made for a bigger target?!?). Anyway, I was thrilled about it, because he seems to be a much more efficient eater without the shield, and he doesn't spit up as much. There is nothing that frustrated me more than watching him spit up my breastmilk--it's a precious commodity, you know?? So anyhow, that was a major step. But then, the very next day, it was like he had completely forgotten how to latch on again! sigh... The good news is that we are back in business, and he is a pretty good little eater now. And last night was another good night, where he basically woke up every three hours so we could change his diaper and feed him. (we won't talk about the night before that, where he woke up at 3am and then fussed/ate poorly for almost three hours straight. And then he fell asleep next to me, pooped, and his diaper leaked-- getting poop on our sheets. No, we won't talk about that at all...).

Anyway... You know how people always say that you can never truly prepare yourself for having a baby? It's true. Even though I knew this, I think I had the idea that I would somehow be different, and that this baby business would be a piece of cake. Boy was I wrong! I have never felt so utterly out of control in my entire life (though it's getting better quickly). Breastfeeding has been the biggest and most challenging aspect of taking care of him so far, followed by sleep (we have yet to get him to sleep in his little portable crib-- he just cries and cries until one of us goes to get him, then he falls asleep on us). Because we got off to such a rocky start with breastfeeding, I am constantly worried that he hasn't gained any/enough weight, and it eats me up inside. In short, it's really hard taking care of a baby, harder than I ever realized it would be. At the same time, I take one look at our little guy and am filled with so much love, it's overwhelming. It's a major emotional rollercoaster, and the ride has only just begun!

In other news, though... Gus went back to work on Monday, which led to some serious crying over the weekend. I couldn't even imagine trying to take care of Nikos all by myself!!! My parents volunteered to come and stay with me during the daytime all week, and that has been great. And today, Gus is actually home because Nikos has a doctor's appointment at noon (he's asleep in daddy's arms right now). The good news is that I was able to eat breakfast and take a shower all by myself on both Monday and Tuesday-- before my parents arrived! I can't even tell you how good it felt to accomplish that without any help! It takes a little planning (feed the baby until he goes into his food coma, then put him in his carseat in the bathroom doorway while I take a shower), but it works!!! I even got him into his swing for a little while so I could clean up a bit. It was a miracle!!!

P.S. The remainder of his umbilical cord fell off yesterday... We have a bellybutton now!! :)

YES!!

So I know that every night won't be the same, but last night was fabulous!! Nikos woke up every three hours (like clockwork!) to eat, he latched on well, ate efficiently (about 30 minutes total), and went right back to sleep! Gus and I were both able to sleep, and I actually feel somewhat RESTED today! Hallelujah!!!! Of course, we all slept until 10am, but that's okay. We got sleep! I can't use enough exclamation points!!!!!!!!! I just fed the little guy again, and now he's wide awake and hanging out with Gus. After I eat my lunch, we might take him on his first stroll around the neighborhood. Today is a good day!

Also, on a more serious note... I have had a rough week and have been experiencing what all the books call the "baby blues." It's not post-partum depression-- it's a fairly common reaction most moms have after having babies (feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, wondering if I'm doing a good enough job, stressing about breastfeeding, etc.). I was pretty much having regular meltdowns every night as we got settled in the bedroom-- mostly dreading the looooong night ahead. BUT-- that didn't happen last night! I actually felt happy and content and actually COMPETENT! So I just had to share. I don't know if it's completely over and done with, but I feel a million percent better. So, hooray for that (and for a very cute baby who helps cheer me up)! :)

So Cute!

Another picture with his eyes actually open... I just can't get enough! He looks so serious all of the time, like he's worried about something. Unless he's trying to poop, in which case he makes all sorts of highly entertaining faces (our favorite is when he crosses his eyes and sticks out his tongue... I really hurt myself laughing at that one. I thought my incision was going to burst open!). Anyway, it's a good thing he's so cute, or I think I'd really resent the lack of sleep. :)